I’m desperate

I’m desperate. I’ve always been. I have always been in love with the idea of being in love, with the idea of being in love and loving someone. It has happened before, when I was 18. I was feeling lonely and desperate at the time and loved it when she said she loved me. She was in love with the idea of being in love, too. Some years later we both were hit in the face with the bitter truth.
I remember that at the moment I felt like I see the reality but it was only MY reality and never THE reality. So, it happened again. Love was denied this time, though. I desperately tried to make her mine. She was like a slippery fish and never really mine. Although, her smiles revealed her; although, her words revealed her, but she denied it.
Yes, she was never mine to lose and my own expectations let me down again; my own damn reality again. Now she is gone. She is out of reach; like the reddest apple on the highest branch of a tree.
I don’t know whether I must be happy or sad; I didn’t deserve her and she didn’t deserve me and more importantly, I was just in love with the idea of being in love. I am desperate as always. I feel lonely and this is, to my experience, the most dangerous feeling one could possibly imagine. I know nothing anymore, I just know that she is gone and I’m desperate…

موضوع: دل نوشته، مطالب انگلیسی،
[ شنبه 2 تیر 1397 ] [ 07:51 ق.ظ ] [ حامد عبدالهی ]